Stop Screaming Seriously... remember it's SSS!

Something I personally have never quite understood is raising your voice at someone unprovoked.
According to the standard and general definition- that I'm aware of- yelling or screaming means that one is expressing an emotion in a verbal way out of an extreme emotion. Usually this is out of fear or rage. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is usually a direct result of a catalyst.
Yet, when there isn't a catalyst involved- for example an argument- then the raising of one's voice over anothers, or yelling, isn't called for and should never be tolerated.
Especially from a spouse.
There is no excuse for not being able to control oneself in a non-confrontational environment. Be it in person, or over the telephone. There is also no excuse for treating a loved one (spouse or child) in such a manner.
The verbal and emotional battering of spouses is on the rise in this country. It happens in your city or town. It happens to those you work with, to people on your street. Maybe even in your very own home.
Somehow certain individuals find it socially and generally acceptable to not only disrespect but disregard the thoughts, opinions, and emotions of the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their life with.
Makes one wonder if the "gig is up" on courtship.
Just because someone has agreed to be committed to you does not give you the right to assasinate their character. It does not give you the right to call them names, and "put them in their place".

When relationships are in trouble, and the threat of ending the relationship is a bright, flashing red light inches from your face, you have to make a decision.
You have a few options:
1. Change yourself. How you communicate with your spouse. You need to sit back, take some time and maybe even a notebook, and honestly brainstorm the issues you personally have in your relationship.
2. Take the time to sincerely talk to your spouse about how you feel and what you think is causing the rift in your bond. Is it a meddling friend? Anger issues? Unresolved issues from early on in your courtship?

If you've tried that and a few other things and your spouse is unresponsive and argumentative still, then you need to make the choice; Is this how I want to live the rest of my life?

Is it worth putting all your chips down on red?

Is the key to surviving relationships denial?
No, it isn't a river in Egypt, contrary to popular belief.
We deny that we don't notice the subtle (and sometimes not so much) changes in our spouse. We deny that we might not truly have faith in their loyalty. We deny that there is anything wrong. Most importantly, we deny that we are in denial.
We only hear what we want to hear, see what we want to see. We believe what we want to, and give praise when it isn't due. We tell ourselves that this is how it is supposed to be, and that we are truly happy.
It helps us sleep at night.
After a while, we start to believe that he's working late. That he's only having a few beers out with the guys. That he never takes off his wedding band. That he would never stray.
The lies have been told to us by ourselves for so long- have compiled over weeks, even years, for so long- that they now are our only truth.
This makes the truth blind to us even when it's staring us square in the eyes.


That is what the guys I talked to previously are counting on. They're betting on that their girlfriend or wife does one of two things; doesn't know or knows yet turns a blind eye. They put all their chips on how sly and crafty they are. The fact that they can lie straight-faced while looking her in the eyes. The fact that their buddies are loyal to them. The fact that these girls they pick are "sluts" and have no tie to them outside of a night or two. The fact that no matter how much is between this "bonus", she will never settle for being "the mistress". Even if she was all right with it, they're banking on her never wanting anything more than sex and gifts from him.
Isn't this a game with worse odds than any Las Vegas casino? Remember... you might win a little here and there, but the house ALWAYS wins.
Speaking of mistress... what makes a "good one"? Should any female be insulted by being told they would make a "good one"? Regardless of her age, relationship status, happiness level? Since when is being "number two" good enough for anyone?
This is what happens when certain people put all of their eggs into one basket... and choose the wrong one.
However, when children are involved this isn't just about one person changing two lives forever without their consent. This becomes about one selfish and righteous individual destroying and shaping impressionable children for the rest of their lives.
Isn't it about time that they stood up, collected their chips, and walked away from the roulette table?

Maybe they should take their money and get their wife some flowers just because... and then take her out for dinner to a real restaurant. (Drive-thru establishments don't count!)

Would you rather be running to somebody or running away?

I've been talking to a few people lately, and I've figured out that loyalty almost no longer exists. Couples, married or not, who have open relationships- yet only one partner is aware and the other isn't- seem to be more abundant than those who are committed to their spouse.
There are those that haven't figured out what they want. Some think they deserve more than one partner. A few look elsewhere for what they simply cannot ask their spouse to do for them. Somehow, they honestly think asking a stranger is easier than asking the one that loves them.
So then to have a relationship... are we stuck in the "lie and hide" webs of pseudo-happiness? Or have we turned sex into an intimate-free activity?
It gets one into thinking about love, boundaries, and decisions.
Hypothetically speaking... you fall inlove. They make you swoon. Your eyes glaze over, and every moment apart is like finding out your dog just died. Then you make a decision to be with them. ONLY them. Things go from madly, deeply inlove to mundane. Sometimes the blue sky isn't filled with doves but terrible thunderstorms. You make more decisions. You set boundaries. You stay together and get stronger, or you leave. Either way you have drawn the line in the sand for that other person; me and only me or not me at all. They can take it or leave it.
However, it seems to be dominately males in relationships that do both. Instead of being honest with their partner for fear of being left or divorced, they would rather lie, cheat, and steal the trust from their spouse. Some don't consider it lying if they omit details. Some don't consider it cheating if their spouse won't or can't do it. Some don't view it as robbing their relationship of trust and virtue if they hide from actually facing the issues causing these actions. Some even deflect blame in their actions by stating things like "My wife can't do sexy" or "I can't help it if girls want me".
Let's be upfront. That's all a bunch of bull. I can only think of this quote from Grey's Anatomy... Meredith says it at the end of one of my most favorite episodes of any show ever... so it's etched into my memory.
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross." --- Grey's Anatomy

Take this however you will. It's just been bothering me lately. I needed to talk about it... so here it is. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself this:
Would you rather be running to somebody or be running away?

Personally, I'd rather be running to somebody.